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The Moment Your World Stops

Grief. No one wants to talk about it. But we do…

It’s hard. It’s complicated. It is filled with more emotions than one can fully explain. Someone experiencing grief may even question, “am I going crazy”? To simply answer, no you are not. You are grieving. You have deep sorrow for the one no longer here. You are waiting for them to come through the door, send you a morning text, or call to tell you a funny joke they heard during their day. But, they don’t. They can’t. They aren’t here. But oh how you long for their voice, their touch, their laugh, and the smell of their shirt.

No one does the things they did in life. The good and the bad…

No one cooks breakfast just like they did. No one leaves things around the house quite like they use to do. Who would have thought I would miss watching that crazy television show they always watched? You can’t find the strength to move their vehicle from its spot. The things on their nightstand stay the same. No one can remove their items from their place, because that is how they left it. At least not yet…

Everyone’s grief journey is different; not one is the same. Even in a family unit that has experienced a loss, everyone lost someone different. You see, to one that may have been a dad, but to another in the house that was a husband, best friend, and partner in life. To the extended family, that was a son, brother, uncle, cousin, grandson and everyone is trying to figure out what to do without them here. Families have a hard time conveying their own needs as they are trying to find their own new normal routine and help those around them. These conversations are hard. Many avoid discussing anything that may cause them to be emotional as they “don’t want to upset everyone else”, while others feel they are “always emotional” and can’t find the words to even say. That is okay. It is okay, to not be okay. Revealing ones true identify behind the mask of “I’m okay” is the bravest thing anyone can do. It takes courage to step out and let others see what you really need.

In today’s society, it appears that everyone is too busy to allow for emotional, hard things to captivate them. They expect everyone around them to “keep going”, “stay busy”, “move forward,” but, when that person is grieving, they feel stuck. The world keeps turning, but in their reality their world has come to a complete stop. So how do grieving people move forward? How do they return to a rhythm of life? Well, everyone is different and their life will not ever be “normal” again. They have to find a safe place to grieve and mourn. They must first find ways to take care of themselves, and then others around them. They must take the time to find new ways to get things done and most likely that is asking for help from someone else. Healthy coping skills are the key in implementing a new future. That does not mean you forget the person or leave them behind, but it means you find a way to live a healthy and fulfilling life for yourself and the family still here. It is also important to find ways to honor and remember your special person. We know that the most important thing for a grieving person to know is: you do not have to do it alone.

Grief is real. Grief is BIG. Grief is better shared.

If you find yourself needing help in navigating the grief journey and need a safe place to go, call us at 870-936-7719.

Mandy Young, LCSW
Clinical Director, NEA Baptist Center for Good Grief